Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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