just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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