I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
