they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
