An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
