the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
