Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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