so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
