so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
