You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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