Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
