I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize