I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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