I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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