My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
