his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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