I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
