I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
