dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
