You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We're too hungover to prance.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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