she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
