I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm like, not good at living.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize