It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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