i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
