Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
