no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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