i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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