Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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