You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
