Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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