This dress was meant to end up on your floor
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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