So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
