Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize