K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
