I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
