I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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