3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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