I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
