thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
