That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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