you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
