Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
