What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
