the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
