literally had 100 drinks last night.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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