Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
