can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize