I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
