She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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