No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
