Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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