There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
