Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize