At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
