Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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