Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
