I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
3 2 1 whiskey
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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