I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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