Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Two words: nipple clamps
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