Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
