they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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