JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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