my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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