dude i'm inner monologue high
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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