also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Randomize
