Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
