Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
