Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
