The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
