I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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