If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Randomize
