every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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