i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
