Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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