mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
worst night to have a conscience
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
