Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
