now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we're making bets on your personal life
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
